


Pale Blue Eyes

by Maedelmae



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: (not sorry), AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Diseases and ailments, Established Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Hospitals, Humor, I promise, Its fer apropriate audieences ya hear, Lots of angst before fluff, M/M, NO DEATH, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Sad!Bucky, Sorry again, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Tags to be added, Work Up For Adoption, and a lot of it, bad language, cursing, fluff??, heart failure, no im not, sick!Steve, sorry??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-13 01:50:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9101053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Maedelmae/pseuds/Maedelmae
Summary: A stucky fic- an AU where Bucky doesn't get frozen after civil war and somehow Steve gets turned back to pre-serum Rogers, flirting and fluff ensue but angst cause "baby, you're dying" "no I'm not Buck, just a little...under the weather" "that's a lie and you know it Stevie"(Named after The Velvet Underground's song "pale blue eyes")





	1. Baby don't go

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, goin against my usual works and doing a stucky fic... It's gonna be multiple chapters I think idk we'll see. Happy holidays y'all (even if I'm a lil late ^O^) 
> 
> Hope ya enjoy and I apologize about the tags 
> 
> This has not been beta'd but I'm tryin guys, 
> 
> I also apologize if I don't update that regularly idk...

After everything that happened with the accords, the avengers were fucking tired (even if a couple participants in the battle weren't actually a part of the avengers). The whole thing ended after Tony and Steve sat down and talked about everything. They figured out a compromise. Even Ross agreed to the compromise, they would still be fighting, just with more restrictions. The compromise even included Bucky, he could stay with the avengers as long as he saw a therapist and a government doctor to figure out the whole brainwashing thing. Everything was looking good, Bucky and Steve got together (finally...)and never stopped touching or laughing or flirting. To be honest, the others were hair for them, but after a couple days it got annoying, the only entertaining part of it was when one of them told embarrassing stories about the other. Everyone was happy until one mission changed it...

"Targets are near, I'm busting this door down" Steve said, hand to his ear touching the device that key him communicate with the others in the mission.   
"Copy that, look around before you do anything rash" Natasha's voice sounded. He took that as his 'okay' signal and kicked the door down with an 'oof' as it crashed down. He rushed in the room, eyes scanning everything occupying the space. Nothing. But, something? He heard a clank and a hissing noise as a modified hand grenade flew into the room from setemingly nowhere. Steve quickly flew into action and ran away. He was to late, the can released a huge cloud of green smoke and Steve was immediately surrounded.   
"Dammit." He fell unconscious, hoping that Natasha, Sam and Tony could handle the rest. 

He woke up in a hospital room completely and utterly confused. Everything felt off, but strangely familiar. He looked down.   
"Oh my god I shrunk." He started panicking, he hadn't been this small since 1943, since "Operation: Rebirth", since his last conversation with Dr. Erskine. He looked around, looking for not only people but answers. His efforts were met with a worried Bucky and a sharp pain in his lungs.   
"Thank god you're awake Stevie." He said, remnants of tears still in his eyes, his face red from crying.   
"You know me buck, nothing can kill m-" he went into a coughing fit. Bucky jumped up and patted his back, handing him water and looking over all distressed. When he finally got over it, Bucky lowered him back against the pillows and sat back down.   
"What happened and where is everyone?" He said weakly.   
"The smoke you got caught in earlier was a reversal of the serum you got, the whole thing was a trap, they were targeting you Stevie. As for everyone else, they went home to sleep, if you haven't noticed it's 3 a.m. I only stayed because they couldn't tear me away from you." He ended the small speech with a sniffle and couple of tears.   
"I guess I'm back to being weak again" he laughed bitterly.   
"No... You were never weak baby" Bucky embraced Steve in a tight hug, his small body contrasting greatly against Bucky's bigger one. "I love you so much." He whispered into Steve's ear. "I love you too Buck, I'll love you till the end of the line." They sat there hugging each other for another half hour before Bucky realized Steve had fallen asleep in his arms. He laid his frail body back onto the hospital bed and stared at him for a long time, tired but unable to sleep. He thought back to the first time he laid his eyes on the scrawny kid. It didn't seem like all that long ago but realistically he knew that it was over 70 years ago. He kept thinking about the past until he ended up passing out on the chair, hand on the hospital bed, just a couple inches shy of Steve's hand. 

The next day, Steve woke up at 9:24 with a sharp pain in his heart. He grabbed his chest and looked to where Bucky was (still) sitting.   
"Buck... Bucky" he tried to wake him, but he was weak and the only thing he could do was tap on his nearby hand. "Bucky..." Bucky opened his eyes, clearly alarmed.   
"WHATS WRONG??!!?? STEVIE??" he practically yelled.   
"My... Heart... Buck... Nurse." Bucky was already clicking the magical button that summoned the nurses before steve finished rasping out his barely there sentence.   
"Just hang in there Stevie, the nurse is on her way." Steve just nodded and gritted his teeth, hand still clutching his pale chest. A couple seconds later a nurse bustled in.   
"What's happening?" She spat out quickly, not trying to waste time.   
"My... Heart" he gasped out. The nurse just nodded and rushed over to his side.   
"On a scale of one to ten how bad is the pain?"   
"Eight" he squeezed his eyes shut, teeth still gritted. The nurse turned to Bucky   
"Does he have a known heart disease?"   
"Yes. He has a heart palpitations, heart troubles and his blood pressure fluctuates often." He listed out from heart.  The nurse nodded and turned back to Steve   
"My legs... hurt." He was sweating a lot too.   
"His heart probably skipped a beat, I'll give him something for the pain in his legs and keep him on a monitor, but there isn't much else I can do I'm afra-" steve started gasping, his heart beat on the monitor decreasing alarmingly fast as a loud beeping noise started.   
"What's happening?" Bucky couldn't help but be worried.   
"His hearts failing. WE NEED A DOCTOR IN HERE!" she shouted outside the room. A doctor and another nurse rushed in.   
"Heart failure" she said to the doctor, the doctor nodded and turned to the other nurse.   
"Defibrillator" the nurse nodded and headed off coming back moments later with a cart he wheeled to the need and then escorted Bucky out of the room as the doctor started the machine.   
"WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM?? WHY CAN'T I BE IN THERE?" He yelled at the nurse.   
"His hearts failing, you can't be in the because you would just get in the way, plus it's kind of hard to watch, even I can't handle it very well." The nurse replied. Bucky gave him an unbelieving look and sat down in a nearby chair, head in hands, tears streaming down his face. 


	2. hey bucksteroonski?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ya guys, thanks fer reading and evrything, this chapter was actually written and then rewritten because i didnt like some of the details, also im typing this on my laptop instead of my phone and the spacebar doesnt work very well so i apologize fer that, 
> 
> again this is unbeta'd so comment if ya find any mistakes
> 
> you guys are all dolls ;)
> 
> seeya next chapter

Natasha, tony, Sam and Wanda had just gotten off the elevator when they saw Bucky yelling at a nurse, tears in his eyes. “WHATS HAPPENING TO HIM?? WHY CANT I BE IN THERE??” the nurse didn’t even flinch as he calmly replied “his heart is failing, you cant be in there because you would just get in the way.” He sighed, “anyway, its kinda hard to watch, even I cant handle it very well.” Bucky gave him a look and sat down. They ran over to Bucky wanting to know what was going on (they weren’t the first).   
He looked up at them, tears running down his already red face. “his… Stevie’s heart is failing…” his voice cracked as Natasha embraced him, hands rubbing his back as she sobbed into her shoulder.   
Bucky had stopped crying by the time the doctor came out. They looked at her in anticipation.   
“he’s okay.” They all let out a breath they didn’t realize they were holding. “he is, however, very weak so please be careful with him. He’s asleep at the moment but you all can see him.” The doctor looked tired as he turned around and walked away. They all but ran to the open room door, piled in the room and gathered around the bed that held the small man. The bed seemed so big compared to him especially with all the tubes and needles sticking out off him. A couple pads with wires leading out of them were stuck on to his partially exposed chest. Nobody knew what to say so the room remained silent save the constant beeping from the heart monitor on the wall. Wanda broke the silence with a sob that she had desperately tried to keep internal but failed to do so, leading to a sniffle from Sam and Tony leaving the room.   
“I’ve been in hospitals before, but it was all in the 30’s, there wasn’t any of this high-tech stuff back then.” Bucky said, trying to relieve the situation and ended up tearing up again. He and Sam hugged and they both cried together, scared for Steve and whether or not he would make it. Seeing Bucky and Sam crying just made Wanda lose it and she started bawling, Steve was like a father figure to her, she couldn’t lose him now. Tony walked in just as Steve woke up.   
“What, did someone die?” he rasped out before coughing. Bucky and Tony glared at him.  
“That’s was probably badly timed,” Steve looked at his hand guiltily.  
“Dammit Stevie, don’t do that again.” Bucky’s brown eyes were red.   
“Scare us like that again Rogers and I’ll kill you.” Natasha promised.  
“I’d listen to her you know, she makes a compelling point.” Sam said quietly.   
“Got it, I’m gonna go back to sleep now, I feel terrible.” Steve said and the others didn’t blame him, he looked like he felt terrible too. They all sat there after Steve passed out, not knowing what to do. That seemed very common in this whole situation, after all what was someone supposed to do in this situation? Sam, Tony and Wanda grew steadily uncomfortable in the hospital room and left after a couple of minutes. Natasha, however, stayed with Bucky and held his hand as he stared at Steve and rested his head on her shoulder. She used to be terrible at comforting people but she’s had to do a lot of it lately so she likes to think she improved greatly. They both fell asleep like that.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

A few day later, the doctors had Steve on several different medications, some of which made him a little ridiculous and very sappy.   
“Ya know what buckster…” Bucky looked up from the self help book he was reading.  
“What Stevie?” he replied, thoroughly amused.   
“I love ya buck, like a lot a lot buck.”   
“I love you too Stevie.” He went back to reading.   
“hey, bucksteroonski?” These nicknames were getting sillier.  
“yes Stevie?” Bucky tried to stifle a laugh at the mashup of his name.  
“Remember those hot dogs from Coney Island?”   
“yes…”   
“I want one.” Steve said completely seriously. Bucky burst out laughing.  
“I’m sorry doll, I don’t think you can have one right now.”  
“ah, you’re right.” Seeming content with that answer, Steve shut his eyes and then opened them a few seconds later as Natasha and Sam walked in. “hey bucket, the bird and spider are here.” Bucky burst out laughing again; Natasha and Sam just raised their eyebrows at the nicknames. Steve meanwhile, remained completely serious.   
“We came here to see how Steve is, we also brought a card since Steve cant be around flowers.” Natasha said to Bucky as Sam walked over to where Steve was.  
“thanks, Steve is doing better, well as better as he can be in this state. They have him on a bunch of different medications, that’s why he seems weird. The doctors say that he may be discharged in a week if no other complications arrive.” Bucky explained with a smile. Natasha smiled back, not asking the questions that had been gnawing at her brain since the mission.   
Sam and Steve were having a very intriguing conversation about which bird was better, a hawk or a falcon.   
“I think hawks are cooler, they like swoosh down and like pow grab their food like pshaw.”  
“I like falcons personally, they’re really big and they also swoosh down to get their food.” Steve coughed a bit.   
“good point, good point. Hey! Aren’t you a falcon?” Sam laughed, he almost preferred this Steve to the other bigger, more serious Steve.   
“right you are” he replied.  
“ahem, its time to go Sam, we have business to attend to back at the headquarters.” Natasha cut the conversation short.  
“sorry Steve, gotta go.”  
“have fun”  
“bye Steve, get better soon”  
“bye bye” they left and Steve fell asleep, he was sleeping an awful lot these days but Bucky knew that he was recovering as much as he could with all those diseases.


	3. under the weather

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is working on a serum to fix Steve and Steve is getting worse, Bucky is trying desperately to keep everything together while never leaving Steve's side. Bucky is reminded of a Velvet Underground song that he heard one day. Natasha is an interruption.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year?? god, its already 2017 huh. this chapter is fairly short but i think there is going to be one or two more chapters left until i finish, whew. but really, I've been sitting on this idea for a long time and while my ending was majorly different in my mind, this ending is much happier, so I'm not thaaat disappointed. 
> 
> again, thanks fer reading, i preciate it. feedback is welcomed and loved, you are loved, keep it real my pals

Tony was working on something to return Steve to his former glory. He couldn’t stay weak and dying forever, the world needed him, needed Captain America. He was in the middle of a chemical equation when Natasha decided to interrupt.   
“When will you have the new serum, Steve doesn’t have too much longer.” Tony placed his head in his hands and sighed as he turned to face the intruder.  
“I’m not too far from a breakthrough but I’m gonna need another week to make sure its correct so I don’t end up killing him instead of stopping him from dying.” Natasha glared at his sarcastic remark, but she couldn’t be too mad at him. Sarcasm was his defense mechanism, they all had ways of dealing with this situation, but his was probably way better than hers.   
“okay but you better hurry, Bucky hasn’t left Steve’s side since ‘The Incident’.” She did a quick turn and left just as abruptly as she had entered.   
“That’s just fucking great.” He sighed again and turned back to his computer. 

 

Steve had progressively gotten worse since he had shrunk. He couldn’t move at all, his joints pain ridden and swollen. An angry red rash had developed all over Steve’s chest and throat. He often had involuntary muscle movements, a high fever and he would go though extreme mood swings (from laughing to crying to annoyance). Rheumatic fever the doctor had said. The doctor also said that he could treat it, but the treatment backfired and Steve stopped breathing for a minute before the nurses and doctors could do anything. His lungs and heart were constantly hurting and he was put on Percocet for the pain, but it only helped keep the pain manageable.   
Bucky was constantly awake and worried for his boyfriend. This was the worst he had ever seen him at. Must have been from all the years of “superhero-ing” he did while suppressing all his weaknesses and illnesses. He ran his hand through his once soft but now quite greasy hair and took a deep breath.   
“hey buck.” Steve called weakly from his semi-permanent position on the hospital bed.   
“hey baby, you’re awake.” He smiled, but it wasn’t very big.   
“sorry I’m sleeping so much.” He could see the growing concern in his lovers eyes.  
“don’t, don’t say that Stevie, it is not your fault this happened.”   
“well, I might get better, but everyone is putting so much effort into me, I just don’t feel like I’m worth all of it.”  
“I’m gonna stop you right there. Steven Grant Rogers. Baby. You’re worth more than anyone can give and more.”   
“I don’t like everyone going through all the trouble.”   
“baby, you’re dying.”  
“no I’m not buck, just a little…” he could find anything to make it seem less serious “under the weather.”  
“that’s a lie and you know it Stevie.” Bucky looked him straight in the eyes. He was serious. He had enough of Steve’s idiotic martyr complex and his stupid stubbornness. Steve started crying. Bucky leaned forward and hugged him. “shhh, baby, shhhhh, look at me doll. Look at me.” He laid Steve back down. “I will never let you die, I will never let anything happen to you. You mean the world to me baby shhh,” he sat back and tilted Steve’s chin up gently and kissed him. It was a short kiss, no tongue or even open mouths, just Bucky’s lips against Steve’s. Bucky pulled away a couple seconds later and sat down in his chair. He would lay with Steve but he was in pain and couldn’t move so he didn’t want to risk it. He picked up another self help book he had been reading and went to his page. He looked back up at Steve to find him asleep. He wore a sad smile.  
“you and your pale blue eyes baby.” He put the book back down, opting to sleep instead of read.

 

Tony had found it. He fucking found it. What did he find? The formula for the serum that Dr. Abraham Erskine had developed with Zola in Germany. It was hard as hell to find and covered in many layers of figurative dust but it was found and he was working on putting it together. Another problem arose as he read the ancient papers: how would Steve receive the serum? He read reports on how they first did it, but wasn’t there an easier less painful way to do it? He would have to figure something out.


	4. Authors note and Apology

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Authors note and apology

Hey everybody, this fic is officially a year old and I still haven't updated it. The reasons for this are numerous but the main one is that I can't find a way to end it properly. I have run through and written at least eight different endings and none of them were satisfactory. Due to this, I am putting this work up for adoption, my only request is that you give me credit for the chapters I have written, anything else is up for changing. This includes where the story is heading and how characters react to the situations. 

I admit I'm a little ashamed of myself for not finishing this story as I am proud of my work and wish to see it through to the end, but I just can't anymore. I apologize for everyone emotionally invested in this story because I know that waiting for a gov to be updated of finished is a torturous process that I myself don't enjoy. 

On the other hand, I am writing done fics for the Harry Potter fandom. I have also changed the way I am writing and have decided to finish fics before posting them. 

I thank everyone and apologize for this. 

If you are interested in adopting this story, please email me @ septimiuscorvus@gmail.com and state where you are intending to lead this story or any ideas you have. I will choose the first person to email me, and if you would like to collab, that is your choice. 

Thank you all so much for sticking with me,   
Love Maedelmae

**Author's Note:**

> I love feedback!!   
> Please tell me if you would like longer chapters or what you want me to add, I'm up for suggestions!! Thank ya


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